1980s SF film

[peteryoung]

Star Crystal, 1985, USA   DIRECTED BY LANCE LINDSAY
This month's crop of B-movie mayhem kicks off with the deservedly derided Star Crystal. It's actually hard to find anything positive to say about this absolutely outstanding piece of space-horror trash, so let's briefly cover the plot: astronauts on Mars find a crystal that spawns an extraterrestrial killer which, after discovering the Bible on the rescue ship's computer, realises its many murders have all been a misunderstanding. Yes, that's an accurate summary. I've had this one on DVD for a few years but have never watched it until now, but I could certainly have lived a happier life without ever having seen an entire cast of irritating, confrontational characters facing off against what turned out to be the lamest alien lifeform ever, and all while being whipped through a 180º plot reversal that nearly broke my neck. As for the production, almost everything looks grey and drab, the special effects employed were by then antique, and the music is cheap new age electronica that strangely finishes up with a deliriously bad ’80s power ballad that made my ears bleed. Checking out IMDb, I see Lance Lindsay only made just one more movie in 1990 – and with Martin Landau, no less, slumming it again. Star Crystal is as ambitious as it is devoid of talent in that uniquely 1980s way, and is therefore one to avoid unless you actually enjoy a bit of self-flagellation on a Saturday night.